It’s the one term I am almost always guaranteed to hear when I talk to anyone about relationships. When used, term almost always refers to the thing or few things that, if present, will cause a swift and abrupt end to the relationship. And it is almost always used by a person who doesn’t have what it takes to swiftly and abruptly end a relationship.
Deal breaker means break the deal.
With the exception of lying, cheating and beating, I don’t believe that there are any universal deal breakers. The world don’t move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. (I just made myself laugh out loud). But seriously, deal breakers are personal and represent what each one of us, as individuals, are not willing to accept or tolerate. Simply put, deal breakers are the behaviors that we reject. When we reject these behaviors, we reject the owner of the behavior, and ultimately, reject the relationship. We break the deal.
But many of us don’t break the deal. We keep on dealing. We essentially tolerate the behavior while refusing to accept the fact that we are tolerating the behavior. We try to focus on everything else that is good and try to act like this one thing isn’t driving us crazy. Or we call out the behavior and try to get the other person to stop doing said behavior which almost always ends two ways. The person stops (which hardly ever happens). Or the person lies about stopping (which almost always happens). In both cases, the deal breaker ends up being a deal manipulator because at the end of the day, they are still doing what they were doing and we are still in the deal.
It’s not a deal breaker if you won’t end the deal.
Claude says, “grab everything with the willingness to let it go” and I truly believe that is the way that we should operate in relationships. When we are willing to let go, we allow ourselves to be ourselves and we allow others to be themselves and we create an environment where togetherness or estrangement can naturally occur. Furthermore, when togetherness or estrangement does occur, we are able to embrace what is happening because we were willing to let go from the beginning.